Maybe a Fake Gintama

Chapter 570: How to Seal the Deal: Offer What the Other Party Wants

In the hallway of the Quick Response Team's ship, Kawaki stood by the window, silently gazing at the vast, dark expanse of space. Beside him, Tsukuyo stood tall, holding her pipe with one hand and crossing her arms with the other, her impressive chest puffing out as she exhaled clouds of smoke.

"I've warned you before," Kawaki said calmly, "following me will only lead to trouble, like now."

Tsukuyo scoffed softly but didn't respond.

"Everyone associated with me is just a bunch of idiots," Kawaki continued his tone casual, "Idiots who'd even give away Earth. You don't need to get involved in these idiotic matters. Just protect what you want to protect."

"There are things I want to protect here too," Tsukuyo finally spoke.

Kawaki was silent momentarily, then chuckled lightly before heading toward the control room, waving his hand. "You'd better forget about those meaningless things because one day you'll realize they're pointless."

"I'll judge that for myself."

"Suit yourself. But don't come complaining to me when you regret it."

As Kawaki walked away leisurely, Tsukuyo watched him, lost in thought.

"That guy hasn't changed at all; he's still as hard to understand as ever, hahaha." Sakamoto rubbed the back of his head, laughing foolishly. "Back during the war, and even now, I could never figure out what direction he's looking at. Maybe there's no such direction at all, just..."

"There is," Tsukuyo interrupted, exhaling a puff of secondhand smoke, "I don't know for sure, but from the moment I met him until now, that man has never stopped moving forward, walking alone without looking back."

She remembered when Kawaki slaughtered the Tendoshu. His eyes had no light, but perhaps his direction was so clear that he could cut down anyone in his way without hesitation.

"I see..." Sakamoto murmured, then said, "Looks like you're closer to him than we old friends are, hahaha."

Tsukuyo didn't respond; instead, she started to stroll in the direction Kawaki had gone, holding her pipe.

"Please take care of him," Sakamoto said more seriously, "After all, you might be the closest to him now."

Tsukuyo paused briefly but then continued walking as usual.

Watching her back, Sakamoto mused, "She's a fine woman. But why does Kawaki always meet such good women? It's both baffling and a bit enviable, hahaha, hahaha..."

He pulled out a copy of "The Kawaki Tales" and flipped to the last page, "So the ending... is death? She reminded us in this way. Quite a woman. But seriously, Kawaki, you really can handle anything, even yokai?"

"Hey, we've made contact with Renpou's mothership." Mutsu's voice suddenly came from nearby.

Sakamoto looked out the window at the increasingly close mothership, which looked like a small planet, "Guess I'd better focus on the task at hand, hahaha..."

...

On Renpou's mothership, Midakuma gazed out the window at the blue planet—Earth. Accompanied by the Imperial March, Midakuma held up a sign that read, "Everything is proceeding as planned."

Then, with the other hand, he raised another sign that read, "In less than a day, Earth will be covered by that cloud."

At that moment, the automatic door behind Midakuma opened slowly, and an "Elizabeth," with only a tuft of red hair on its forehead and wearing just a belt and two studded straps, or rather Renpou, approached and knelt on one knee behind Midakuma.

"A fleet is sending us a signal." This Renpou held up a sign.

"What?" Midakuma held up a sign, "Sending a signal to us who are invisible to the naked eye and radar?"

"The signal seems to be from a ship we've encountered before."

"What do they want?"

...

In the control room of the Quick Response Team's ship.

"A deal?" Shinpachi asked Sakamoto in confusion.

"Yes," Sakamoto nodded, crossing his arms and looking at the giant white mothership on the screen, which resembled Elizabeth's face, "Renpou is a mysterious race of phantom mercenaries. Finding their special mothership, invisible even to radar, in the vast universe is too difficult. So, we plan to lure them with a tempting deal."

"What do you mean by a tempting deal? What are you planning to sell?" Shinpachi asked again.

Kawaki, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, scoffed, his expression full of disdain.

Sakamoto didn't mind Kawaki's attitude and continued, "If it's a small deal, they'd laugh at us. But this big deal, they won't ignore. I'm going to sell Earth!"

"Sell Earth?!" Shinpachi was stunned.

Sakamoto nodded, "They're about to invade Earth. No matter how many troops and weapons they have, it's not enough. I'm offering our fleet's cargo, a large amount of weapons, and the Quick Response Team's support. Sounds good, right? Ironically, because we helped them in the past and were deemed neutral, that should work in our favor. With our shrewd second-in-command, we can delay the deal for a day. Earth can only hold out for one more day. This is the Quick Response Team's once-in-a-lifetime deal! Before Earth disappears, let's reclaim its future from their hands!"

...

Following Sakamoto's plan, everything proceeded as expected. Renpou reluctantly agreed to the Quick Response Team's deal and allowed their ship to dock with the mothership.

Kawaki and the others split into two groups. Mutsu led the Quick Response Team crew in trade talks with Midakuma to buy time for Earth.

Meanwhile, Kawaki and his group disguised themselves and infiltrated Renpou to find a way to dismantle the enemy and save Earth.

Dressed in a long-haired Elizabeth suit, Katsura stood at the railing, looking down and murmuring, "This is the mothership's home base, like a fortress, and so many Elizabeths..."

He began counting on his fingers, "One Elizabeth, two Elizabeths, three Elizabeths..."

Seeing Katsura start to get sleepy from counting again, Gintoki expressionlessly jabbed Katsura in the groin, causing him to collapse slowly.

"I told you not to count. If you fall asleep here, the plan's ruined." Gintoki said in disgust, wiping the blood from his hand on his pants.

"Listen up, we need to stay unnoticed and blend in with their actions, Katsura-shiro."

"No, it's not Katsura-shiro, it's Katsura-beth!" Katsura struggled to get up and corrected him.

"Gin-beth, use writing boards to communicate." Also in a suit, Sakamoto raised a board, "Speaking carelessly will expose our identities. Absolutely no talking..."

"I... Σ_(」∠)vomit..."

Watching Sakamoto vomit while holding up the board, Gintoki ranted, "Not just your identity, you're exposing all sorts of gross things!"

"I forgot to take my seasickness medicine." Sakamoto, still vomiting, raised another board, "I... I can't stand this strange smell, but I can't help wanting to ride the ship."

"This ship's huge, and you're still seasick? You should stop riding ships!" Gintoki ranted again.

"Sakamoto! Haven't you cured your seasickness?" Katsura asked in surprise, helping Sakamoto up, "I told you, if you're dizzy, open the window, look far, and take deep breaths."

With a ripping sound, Katsura tore Sakamoto's suit from the mouth to the feet, exposing him completely.

"What window are you opening?!" Gintoki ranted, eyes white, "That makes the disguise pointless!"

"Not that window, Katsura." Kawaki shook his head, squatted before Sakamoto, and unzipped his pants, "This one!"

"That's even worse!" Gintoki ranted again.

"What are you talking about? Pants zippers are society's windows." Kawaki stood up, spread his hands, and explained, then looked down and smiled at Sakamoto's crotch, "Come on, let's get some fresh air, O-Sakamoto."

"Although you're right, this isn't the time!" Gintoki argued, then noticed Sakamoto leaning on the railing, gazing into the distance like O-Sakamoto. Instantly, he felt worse, "Don't gaze into the distance! Not like that! Looking from below, people will see something very inappropriate!"

At that moment, Shinpachi, dressed only in white underwear and painted white, stood in front of Aru-shiro (Kagura), Tsuku-shiro (Tsukuyo), and Fujiko, and reminded them, "Gin-san, Kawaki-san, can we hurry up? We're ready."

"Sorry, let's get going." Gintoki said casually.

"Go where?" Shinpachi ranted, veins bulging, "Rant properly, damn it! Why am I the only one in white underwear and paint? Why is my disguise the only one not prepared?!"